Time Out...

Well its a little after 3:00pm, and because I have an incredible pastor I have been at Panera for the past couple of hours. Have been kind of brainstorming, dreaming and planning. Today as I sat in my office I felt this incredible heaviness on my shoulders and just felt like I needed to call a "time out," thus the reason for the trip to panera.

Can I be transparent for minute? Good! Cause I am gonna be...after all it is my blog...The first half of this year has been incredibly challenging! Actually it started the fall of last year as we promoted and started Angelfood at the church, all the meetings with pastors and planning our own start of not only hosting, but being a drop site where other churches come pick up there food! It became so time consuming...on top of that trying to plan and launch Earthbeat Sandusky...another large project, endeavor or event...take your pick...then add in Fine Arts, Youth Convention, and all the other things that along with Axiom...I got two words for you - BURNED OUT!!

Yeah, by easter of this year I felt sucked dry...the tank was empty! Quite honestly I went into cruise mode...maintaining what I needed to do till I went on vacation...the only problem is, vacation didn't fix it like I thought it would...I walked right back into caous the very weekend I got back, and it continued the month of June...luckily camp season came and it helped!!

Over the couple weeks of camp and a short week of July 4th, I began to get some wind back in my sails! Then spending time with Doug Reed this past week REALLY helped! We didn't talk about anything real deep, but just hanging out with him Sunday afternoon and evening was so cool! I can only describe it like a car with a dead battery...I felt like some jumper cables were hooked up!

I know it sounds like I have left God out of all this, but I haven't...totally. I have to admit that for a few months I felt like God was absent...but he wasn't...I was. It seems that when I begin to allow my schedule to run me that one of the first thing that gets pushed out is my time with God. But I have made a conscious effort to draw closer to God than ever...I want to grow! I am SO SICK of what my life has always been...I want more of God...I have listened to the lies of the enemy to long! I refuse to any longer!!

I know this is long but bear with me...

At Jr High camp, Heath McCoy shared from a passage about Saul and his appointment to be King. in 1 Samuel when God was appointing the King of Israel and Saul's name was called...he ran and hid among the baggage. He ran from what God wanted him to do...he allowed his insecurities to get the best of him. I relate to this alot...I have always felt like God wanted more from me, but I have allowed the lies of the enemy to dictate my actions...and I have hid among the baggage.

One point that he made in the message was this..."You will never be who God wants you to be until you deal with who you've always been..." Yeah, that kicked my butt!!

Its time...Its time for me to look at God and say..."Time in...I want back in the game!" It is time for me to deal with who I have always been and become what God wants me to be!!

Don't know if any of this has made sense...forgive my wordiness, but I just feel that it was time to get some of this stuff off my chest!

Later...